Like a Fairytale... Rambling a freeway thought Wishing the hallway ended when the door closed behind She smiled a knowing smile The flowing gown marked the gliding steps A shade of white with a hint of pearl Tissue and satin brocade sat twirled Little stars off the sky on her raven hair shone A twinkle bright in her eyes lain Shoes of pure silvery hue clung to the feet A string of white laced the tresses Hands quivered The flowers felt heavy The veil clothed the curve of her smile She walked alone amongst the bevy This was the threshold Rabbits paw, clover leaved four Horseshoe nail, the wishing well Neither of which did ever quell Luck was doomed before It wouldnt exist hereafter Vision she didnt ever Two little angels would grace her endeavour Petals in pure white strewn by them Would be crumpled under her feet Waltzing away they would smile back at her But the disguise faded away Something inside her heart crackled Leaving her whey Fauxing reality the fay like lady crept A whiff of earth snuggled up in the air Bare hands dropped a watery stone Overtures of hers glazed over It all changed to the color of mars thereafter The tower bells tolled unattended Whoever said would doubt their words hence Fairytales dont always end with happily ever after's ---`-,--;--<@ _____________________ This may seem abstract.. but whether you like it or not do gimme your honest comments thanks for reading..
some lines r like truely a work of preciseness and variety, the fist thing wahich comes to my mind is sapana hi to tha, kyaa huaa jo accha nahi ho ga sapana hi to tha, kush kar gaya ki saccha nahi ho ga ........................................................................... app ka language dhasuu hai Rabbits paw, clover leaved four Horseshoe nail, the wishing well Neither of which did ever quell well versed
Great use if imagery for a great theme. I like the structure, you're right, slightly abstract but it works. I would however suggest that some segments are a little bit choppy and repetitive. Ex: Removing that last "away" may be more effective, just a suggestion. The last line is also a little bit cliché. Other than that, excellent work. Keep it up!
Nice work bubbs.... @Zafar ... I agree with most of what u said ...except the 'away' thing. I think it fits well there ......
Translation- Theme- Fiction Its the scene before a marriage ceremony Location - interiors of a church here goes freeway thought- a two way thought the church has a huge long hallway towards the main door of the church knowing smile is self-explanatory wedding gowns have a trail and they kinda sweep the ground as the bride walks when water falls on a white cloth a totally different color is seen..it aint pure white but with a tinge of cream color tissue and sating are fabrics..satin ribbons can be made into bows and flowers too a jewel or some accessory which shines in jet black hair the glint of her eyes was static to compliment the knowing smile silver sandals with a tying thing at the ankles.. something like a ballet dancer jus with heels hair tied with a lace flowers though light felt heavy walking alone in a crowd threshold is the start of something all four are supposed to be lucky and bring luck quell or quench the thirst for want of luck to be on her side self-explanatory didnt ever dream of here the angels are two flower girls waltzing or flowing in their tiny gown strewing petals before the bride as she walks down the aisle the face lost color and the smile faded away fauxing reality- faking reality fay--fairy scent of earth .. could be because of rain, strong winds blowing or the face getting closer to the earth coz of fainting or its likes watery stone here means.. crystal clear stone..white Diamond ring Color of mars-Red every church has a bell usually theres a bell ringer to ring the bell but bells tolling unattending is considered bad omen *phew*
Wont affirm anything Zafar, Manu and Apu & Bjr thanks for reading! @Zafar- thanks for the suggestion,it does make sense @Manu- Thanks..that was the only thing that had a good rhyme.. didnt actually pay much heed to rhymes in this poem..that jus came naturally @Apu- thanks..and people calling me bubz gets me all smiley smiley @Bjr- thanks..i'm outta words Thanks to whoever changed the title.. Note-The interpretation are my thoughts they may not match to what you picturise
hmm, I'd actually bet my money against that <3 hmm, didnt know that about the tower bells...gave me a really cool image though.
mmh just when i thought this forum was doomed to mediocrity. pretty good effort, i liked it, even though ive never found myself attracted to such direct storytelling through poetry. old fashioned, but in a nice way. its a story, she explained it. maybe because theres not much to interpret. i mean, its more decorative metaphor than those that attempt to abstract the idea of the poem
think the poetry needed 2 b explained to part-duumbs like me that's 1 good thing rilly.... I like stories!!!