Quote Originally Posted by fairandlovely
You have 30 odd replies and you still kept bumping this up? Agreed that some of them were pitiable but still?

I love how you seem to be fighting with yourself more than anything else in the entire theme. It's like two sides of you one of which is writing the poem and the other does not buy an iota of what you're saying here. That can't be easy.

It's wordy but a theme like this probably sounds nicer with a pompous tone to the verse like a righteous self declared god would sound like "Thou hast commited adultery".

In keeping with my word shall i fulfil my duty
I shall let not another human enjoy this beauty of yours

I was curious as to whether this had paedophilic undertones(or overtones?) to it?

This theme intimidates me a little but I do think you've captured the mindset plausibly. You turn my stomach at places.

So this place actually used to be alive huh?

p.s.- my *** is obvious in my song. also, I'd like a critique.
This was a year ago when i became obsessed with being e-cool. I'm happy to say the disease has subsided. I wrote the poem based straight off the book that i named. So i suppose, yes, it becomes a dichotomy of contrary themes at places. The pompous tone would have been nice in retrospect. It didnt strike me when i wrote this. Those two lines are not expressly pedophilic in nature. They can be construed both as and as not being pedophilic. So pick and choose. Yes, lovely theme and it was meant to turn the stomach.

This place was very alive once.

Expect a critique by evening.