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Thread: The End

  1. #1
    Sanjay Mazumder's Avatar
    Sanjay Mazumder is offline ~..::MASTERMIND::..~
    Join Date
    Dec 2004

    The End

    The End

    When the gunshots I hear
    I tremble with fear
    And I see another orphan
    Full of revange and grow a man

    I see no more spring anywhere
    But all the battles and wars everywhere
    The flowers don't even bloom
    But show their face full of gloom

    The blood glows no more red
    And I see one more cut off head
    So again the same story repeats
    Till the end of the world meets.
    "Come to the edge," he said.

    They said, "We are afraid."

    "Come to the edge," he said.

    They came, he pushed them....

    and they flew.............

  2. #2
    rev's Avatar
    rev is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Silicon valley
    It's a real good effort. But rhyming words is not what makes a poem. For the sake of a rhyme....don't sacrifice the words you want to convey. Oh, check the spellings and grammer. All in all.....I think it was good and I hope to hear a happy one soon!
    Ride a wild horse against the sky
    but hold tight to his wings.
    Before you die whatever else you leave undone,
    Once, ride a wild horse into the sun.

  3. #3
    tejas's Avatar
    tejas is offline ..........
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Good one, a little abrupt though. The message is good, but could have been put better. Work on it, you should be able to improve it. Keep it up!!
    Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position
    Such a heavy burden now to be the one
    Born to bear and read you all the details of our ending
    To write it down for all the world to see
    But I forgot my pen, Shit the bed again...




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