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  1. #1
    rocker_vish's Avatar
    rocker_vish is offline Beginner
    Join Date
    Aug 2006

    Smile Dance Floor!!! :)

    Went 2 a pub last night....well where i noticed somethin!!!! :d: kiddin.......

    comments plzz.......i would love if u guyz have 2 add somethin 2 this..!!! or correct me....!!


    on a dance floor...
    i c ppl dancing...
    forgetting abt all da problems..
    forgetting abt all da miserys..
    for that moment..

    How beatiful it is....
    somethn that can take u 2 a different level
    That shows u a colorful world.....
    keepin aside the darker side..

    This mind is so weird..
    sometimes full of life..
    sometimes so skeptical..
    Still the source of all our desires..!!

    i jst wanna keep dancing on this dance floor....
    Wanna b away from all da miserys....
    Jst wan to b lost in da world..
    where there is no fear only FUN!!!

  2. #2
    maxeffect's Avatar
    maxeffect is offline Beginner
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    In the 'City of Blinding Lights'
    An ok effort... had u used correct spellings wud hav liked more... (miserys??)
    The third para although dont gel with the theme of the poem.... is well thought, liked it.
    * I thought a thought.
    But the thought i thought wasn't
    the thought i thought i thought.
    If the thought i thought i thought
    had been the thought i thought,
    i wouldn't have thought so much! *

  3. #3
    i'm_not_neo's Avatar
    i'm_not_neo is offline el valor máximo absoluto
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    hmmm..good work but completely vague and distanced..I mean it feels like it's written from an observer's point of view...4 stanzas saying more or less the same's like you had an interesting theme but haven't justified it and basically portrayed it in every stanza ..Overall : good effort but you can write better..
    "I feel like I'm number one,yet I'm last in line..."

    "So I think I'll keep on walking,with my head held high...
    And only God knows why..."

    Only God Knows Why - Kid Rock

  4. #4
    rocker_vish's Avatar
    rocker_vish is offline Beginner
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    ahh spellings just ignore them yaar........u got da meanin right......u knw na its just the typo re.........newayz thanx mate....4 ur comment.. i knw it will help me with ma more poems 2 come :D


    wanna tell u somethin man....actually the poems that i have written till now...i havent put too much effort into em...what i mean is i just da notepad...type what comes into ma mind and when i think im done i put it in here...ah just too busy with studies and writin this kinda kinda refreshment when i take a small break frm ma studies..........................................w ill put in more effort after ma exams..4 sure... and will try to come out with somethin better....
    ........newayz thanx man neo...plz do keep comment they help me a lot...ur too good and correct with ur comments.......... thanx man and keep

  5. #5
    #iR@'s Avatar
    #iR@ is offline GANDI BACHI RELOADED
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    hmmm... u can do better man... good effort though
    .: is it just |\/|E ... or is it the \/\/0rLD? :.



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