John: Dad can u write in the dark? Dad: I think so. What is it u want me 2 write. John: Ur signature on this report card
What did the postcard say to the stamp? Stick with me and we'll go places.
How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a hand!
What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? They toasted the bride and groom.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken
Was Dracula ever married? No, he was a bat-chelor!
Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with? The girl necks door!
What's an ig? An Eskimo's house without a loo.
Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes!
How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? His lips begin to move.
If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? It might be your bicycle.
What's the definition of mixed emotions? Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
Why were ancient Egyptian children confused? Because their daddies were mummies.
What did the water say to the boat? Nothing, it just waved.
What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website!
What happens to cows during an earthquake? They give milk shakes!
Why did the traffic light turn red?You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!