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  1. #601
    the_wizard's Avatar
    the_wizard is offline Omega == God
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Hai-der-abad (sucks as hell)
    An Ukrainian immigrant in USA went to the Motor Vehicles Registry to apply
    for a driver's licence. He had to take an eye test.
    The clerk shows him a card with the letters:

    C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

    "Can you read this?" the clerk asks.

    "Read it?" the Ukrainian replies, "I know the guy."
    "It is significant that whenever the public mind is to be diverted from great social wrong, a crusade is inaugurated against indecency." - Emma Goldman

    Not accepting any gifts.
    Thank you.

  2. #602
    Join Date
    May 2005
    opposite axeland :(
    LMAO !!!!! lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!
    You can muffle the drums, and you can loosen the strings of the lyre, but who shall command the skylark not to sing?

  3. #603
    anshphenomenon's Avatar
    anshphenomenon is offline Rape me :boff:
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    New Delhi
    once a small kid asks his father who was really tall..and was a bit bald
    "papa aap ganje hain na."
    father was astonished..thinking that how cld the small look at the top of his head..
    father asked the kid..
    "tumne kaise dekha??tum to bahut chhote ho lambai main"..
    child replied..
    "maine google earth par dekha tha"
    ...................................जय हिन्द........................................ ....

  4. #604
    knight_guitar's Avatar
    knight_guitar is offline Lead Guitarist
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    a warning behind a condom packet "if this product not satisfactory, happy father's day"
    _________/\_________ .. see ya on the dark side of moon....

  5. #605
    Hardik's Avatar
    Hardik is offline .:.:.:BoRn TaLenT:.:.:.
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist,
    "Hello, could you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!"
    The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out;
    he returns and says, "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too."
    The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says, "Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!"
    During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him.
    When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us."
    A minute later the boy is still praying; "Thank you Lord for your kindness."
    Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.
    The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others.
    She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, "I didn't know you were so religious."
    The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"
    TaKe LiFe As It CoMes....

  6. #606
    Hardik's Avatar
    Hardik is offline .:.:.:BoRn TaLenT:.:.:.
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the velocity of light.
    On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.

    Stranger: 'Sir, can I know your name please'
    Gulshan : 'I am Gulshan Grocer'
    Stranger : Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??
    Gulshan: No it is Grocer.

    Now tell me why did Gulshan say so...

    ANS: Because at the speed of light V=C
    TaKe LiFe As It CoMes....

  7. #607
    shsnawada's Avatar
    shsnawada is offline Cyborgs & Pasta
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Raaaaaar!!! Raaaaaaaaaaar!!!!!
    ^^ Hehe....

  8. #608
    Hardik's Avatar
    Hardik is offline .:.:.:BoRn TaLenT:.:.:.
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a man jumping
    from 10th floor? . . . . . . . . . . . . former goes (hit) aaaaaaaaa
    later goes aaaaaaaaa (hit)


    guy is traveling in a deluxe car in the desert. He wants to take a
    bath, but he hasn't got a soap and there is no water anywhere around...

    what can he do?

    ->>He will integrate his d-lux car to get Lux + c (constant of
    Using the lux soap he will take bath in the 'c'.

    a tamilian and a sardarji sittin together in a train. Tamilian is bored
    and wants to talk, he asks sardar "tamil terima?"

    Sardar is offended and hits back "punjab tera baap"
    TaKe LiFe As It CoMes....

  9. #609
    Hardik's Avatar
    Hardik is offline .:.:.:BoRn TaLenT:.:.:.
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Do you want to hear a complex PJ !
    Yes ? Ok, complex pj is " P + iJ "!
    Why doesnt anyone understand the complex pj ?
    coz its joke prat is "imaginary" !!!
    At the lab quiz a girl,
    When asked "What are tadpoles?",
    (In the specimen bowls),
    She wrote down "They are elephant sperm."
    When you breath, you inspire.
    When you don't breath,

    you expire.
    A Lady was found dead at home 2day!
    She was discovrd in her tub which was filled with milk and corn flakes.
    The police supect it was a cereal killer
    TaKe LiFe As It CoMes....

  10. #610
    nitinzep's Avatar
    nitinzep is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Quote Originally Posted by jayswami
    ^^^^ no dude that prize goes to aaha parek...

    remeber that movie.. i think it was mein tulsi tere aangan ki if i am not..
    she has this kill dialogue...
    "Main Aapke paas badi aas leke aaye hoon "

  11. #611
    nitinzep's Avatar
    nitinzep is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    AWESOME...Man I just chanced upon this thread and spent 2 hours reading it..the whole thing...had a very good laugh after a long time..will post all my PJ's soon...WOW

    After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to

    Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

    When you dial a wrong number,you never get an engaged tone.

    If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat
    tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

    If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster
    than the one you are in now.

    When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with
    someone you don't want to be seen with.

    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive

    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you
    to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the

  12. #612
    nitinzep's Avatar
    nitinzep is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    The Salary Axiom
    The pay rise is just enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

    Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation
    The less important you are to the corporation, the more your
    tardiness or absence is noted.

    Miller's Law of Insurance
    Insurance covers everything except what happens.

    Murphy's First Law for Wives
    If you ask your husband to pick up five items from the shops and then
    you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first

    First Law of Living
    As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll
    want to be doing something else.

    Weiner's Law of Libraries
    There are no answers only cross-references.

    Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness
    Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that
    starts out soft will harden when stale.

    The Carrier Bag Law
    The chocolate bar you planned to eat on the way home from the
    supermarket is hidden at the bottom of the carrier bag.

    Lampner's Law of Employment
    When leaving work late, you will go unnnoticed. When you leave early,
    you will meet the boss in the car park.

  13. #613
    nitinzep's Avatar
    nitinzep is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    There were these two friends and both of them had
    Sardarji drivers. They were having an argument about whose driver
    more stupid. so one of the friends
    called his driver: "Oye Santa Singh"
    Santa Singh replied: "Ji praaJi"
    his boss said: "Get this $10 bill, go to Showroom and buy a
    Benz for me"
    Santa Singh said: Oh fikar hi na karo ji..mein abhi aaya"
    The boss said to his friend in a winning tone.." See how stupid he
    he went to buy a Mercedes for only $10"

    The other friend said" Still my driver is more stupid" then he
    his driver Banta Singh and
    said" Go home and check if I m there".. Banta singh said" ji mein
    aata hoon dekh kar"..
    His boss said "see my driver is more stupid..he can't even realize
    how can i be at home if i m here"

    Now Santa and Banta met on their way.. Santa: My boss is sooo
    gave me $10 to buy
    a mercedes.. he does not even know that today is Sunday and all
    showrooms are closed..
    Banta: My boss is even more stupid.. He sent me to check if he is
    he has a cell phone ..he could
    have called home and check if he is there..

  14. #614
    nitinzep's Avatar
    nitinzep is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Logically speaking.........

    --- I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect , and therefore I'm perfect.

    ---If I save time, when do I get it back?

    --- The statement below is true.
    The statement above is false.

    ---As I said before, I never repeat myself.

    ---Sometimes I need what only you can provide your absence.

    ---If at first you don't succeed , skydiving is not for you.

    --- War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who is left.

    --- Best way to prevent a hangover is to stay drunk.

    ---If your father is a poor man , it is your fate but , if your father-in-law is a poor man , it's your

    --- I was born intelligent .... education ruined me.

    ---- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...What more can I say !

    --- If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for ?

    ---- Since light travels faster than sound , people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    ---- How come "abbreviated" is such a long word ?

    --- Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.

    The Best of Proverbs :

    ----- Should women have children after 35 ? No, 35 children are enough

    ---- Living on Earth may be expensive...but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun....!

    ---- Your future depends on your dreams.So go to sleep !

    ---- ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY . So what ? who's in a hurry ?

    ---- Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop !

    ----- A drunk was hauled into court.
    "Mister", the judge began, "you've been brought here for drinking...."
    "Great," the drunk exclaimed . When do we get started ?

    ---- Can you do anything that other people can't ? Sure, I can read my handwriting.....!

    ---- Whom are you working for? Same people. My wife and four kids

  15. #615
    nitinzep's Avatar
    nitinzep is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    A couple go on holiday to a fishing resort at Lakes Entrance. The
    husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
    One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and
    decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lakes area, the
    wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance,
    anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a fishing
    inspector in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good

    morning ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies
    (thinking "isn't that obvious!"). "You're in a restricted fishing
    area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm
    reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you
    could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and make a
    report." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with ***ual

    says the woman. "But, I haven't even touched you," says the man.
    "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could

    start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.......

    MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think


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